Letting Go of Perfect
"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect" Psalm 18:32
Pursuing excellence at home and at work can seem impossible. Part of the problem? We can't let go of perfect. We have an idea about how things are supposed to be. And it often collides with life as we know it. Most of us can't package our work into a box that is pulled off the shelf Monday through Friday between 9 to 5. Nor can we shut off the demands of our homes when we're sitting at work.
I believe that God created women to be holistic. Being able to see the big picture and live in multiple worlds can be our greatest strength. But it can also be our greatest weakness.
We can't let go of work when we're at home.
We can't let go of home when we're at work.
And neither is perfect!
Could it be that perfectionism is the root of stress and disappointment?
It got me thinking about how dangerous perfectionism can be to our souls. Especially if we're holistic in our approach to life and work. Yet the good news is this. While God demands perfection, He doesn't demand us to be perfect. Yes, there is a difference! God is in the business of taking things that are broken and weak and making them whole and strong. He is in the business of taking what is "good enough" and even making it perfect. It's a message I need to hear over and over again.
How do you let go of perfect?
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"One who is living the harsh experience of depression needs, from a spiritual point of view, to recover a profound sense of trust in the God who saves and whose grace is powerful enough to overcome the most rending trials." Cardinal Jorge Medina Estevez Depression is hard to understand. It takes on different forms when it manifests in different people or different situations. Times are difficult. I cannot imagine being a teenager right now without a strong faith and extraordinary family support. Kids can be so cruel to each other and it is only amplified with technology. On a daily basis I hear of children crying every day from bullies, stress of classes, social stress, hormones taking over, family situations, and on and on. Our poor children are coping with more than we ever did. Blessed John Paul II, during a Vatican conference several years ago, spoke of depression as a spiritual trial and sufferers as people who should receive special support from their priests and parish communities. "The illness frequently is accompanied by an existential and spiritual crisis that causes one to no longer see the value of living," he told those gathered for the conference, which was sponsored by the Pontifical Council for Health Care Workers. "It is important to extend a hand to the sick, help them perceive the tenderness of God, integrate them in a community of faith and life where they can feel listened to, understood, supported and worthy -- in other words, able to love and be loved." –Blessed John Paul II There are many riches in our Catholic faith that can lead a suffering person back to wholeness and they all stem from our belief that God is love and God’s love, often unlike human love, is unconditional, all forgiving and eternal. When a person is lost in the black night of depression, our covenant relationship with God and with each other calls us to be a light in the darkness. The fundamentals of 1Cornithians 13:4-8 come to mind: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. It begins with Love. I leave you today with an excerpt from a book that I have read and found it to be a good resource: 'Jesus Is in the Darkness with You': Praying When Depressed Even the saints experienced profound emptiness. When it seems impossible to pray, Jesus is praying within the depressed person. Reprinted from Surviving Depression: A Catholic Approach by Kathryn James Hermes St. John Vianney, the famous Cure of the tiny French village of Ars, is most popularly known as the holy and humble priest who spent sixteen to eighteen hours a day hearing confessions and giving advice to long processions of people. He practiced extraordinary penances and fasts for the conversion of sinners and was subject to diabolic persecution all his priestly life. It is said that the devil revealed once that if there were but three priests in the world like the Cure of Ars, the devil would lose his kingdom. What is less known is the overwhelming depression that weighed upon John Vianney's soul without relief his entire life. Though he was the most sought-after man in all of France, he seemed incapable of seeing the immense amount of good he was doing. Despite the tens of thousands of pilgrims who traveled to Ars each year in the hope of receiving the sacraments or a word of advice from him, he believed himself useless. The priest who had reawakened the faith of a village and set all France aflame through his preaching and holiness felt God so far from him that he was afraid he had no more faith. He believed himself to have no intelligence or gift of discernment. It is as if God drew a veil over his eyes so that he could see nothing of what God was doing through him for others. The Cure feared he was ruining everything and had become an obstacle in God's way. The root of John Vianney's severe depression was his fear of doing badly at every turn, and the thousands who traveled to Ars increased his terror. It never occurred to him that he might have a special grace. Instead, he feared that the long line of penitents to his village church were a sign that he was a hypocrite. He feared facing the judgment with the responsibility for all these people on his conscience. There was not a moment when he felt that God was satisfied with him. A great and profound sadness possessed his soul so powerfully that he eventually could not even imagine relief. Whenever the tempests of depression seemed to have enough power to drown him in the vision of his own miseries, the Cure would bow his head, throw himself before God like "a dog at the feet of his master," and allow the storm to pass without changing his resolve to love and serve God if he could. Yet he kept this pain so private that except for a few confidantes, most people saw only tranquility and gentleness in his bearing. Jesus Is in the Darkness with You You may discover that the shadows and tempests of depression alter the way you look at God and the way you believe God looks at you. When you pray you may be unable to sit still or to keep your mind focused for more than a few moments. Everything may appear to be a huge gaping hole of silence, all so useless. God may seem to be mocking your attempts to pray. I know people who have gone three, five, ten years without "praying," though they were faithful to setting time aside for prayer regardless of its seeming uselessness. In the haunting darkness where all communication had gone silent, they found loneliness, boredom, frustration, anger. Were they praying? Yes. "Praying the Rosary remained a great help to me during my worse times of depression," Joseph, an employee of a large chain of bookstores, said. "I acquired books that had various mysteries of the Rosary, Eucharistic mysteries, Marian mysteries, Passion mysteries, Holy Spirit mysteries .... It gave me a lot of variety, and that helped me to keep focused on prayer and remain somewhat calm. It instilled some peace and quiet in my heart." Recognizing agony in a void that is filled only with darkness and absence calls a depressed person to be present to the Now, even if the Now is darkness. There is a God in that void, the God of Jesus. To be present to this God, to know that Jesus is in the darkness with you and for you as prayer, even were no words or act of love to pass through your heart. God's abiding love is deep within, never forsaking you in darkness. You are alone in the void with the Son of God-both of you keeping silent. Suffering with you is Jesus, the abandoned Son on the cross. When it is impossible to hold on to a thought or to pray, Jesus is praying and contemplating within the one who is suffering from depression. Day by day, moment by moment, groping in the darkness, you are not alone. Jesus is struggling with you. He is there feeling it all. Nothing goes unnoticed by him or his Father. Through Jesus' Spirit who is in you, you can hope for peace. Ideas for Praying When Depressed St. Gregory Nazianzus wrote these words during a time when he found anxiety and depression crowding out any space for prayer in his soul: The breath of life, O Lord, seems spent. My body is tense, my mind filled with anxiety, yet I have no zest, no energy. I am helpless to allay my fears. I am incapable of relaxing my limbs. Dark thoughts constantly invade my head ....Lord, raise up my soul, revive my body. If this is happening to you, try these forms of prayer and contemplative love: 1.Try to find a quiet place Put on some soothing music. Keep it soft and gentle. Take a few deep breaths, holding each one for a few seconds and then slowly exhaling. Relax. Feel the chair you're sitting on, your feet on the floor. Smell the scents in the room. Imagine Jesus coming toward you with a smile on his face. Tell him how you are feeling right now-anxious, uncomfortable, fidgety, distracted, wanting to focus. Tell him what things are like for you today. Open your heart to him. Feel his presence very close to you. Let his love into your heart. Thank him for this gift. 2. Go for a walk. Take some pleasant music with you. As you go, notice the sky, feel the season. Recognize what is around you. Feel at home right now. Offer your heart to Jesus, even if your pain is deep. Though you may be alone on your walk, Jesus is in your heart. Tell him what you see ...the beauty around you. Tell him how you feel ...even if it is dark. Remember he wants you to tell him everything in your life ...joys and pains. 3. Call to mind someone else you know who is hurting or sick. Focus for a few minutes on what that person may be feeling, and on what you would like to say to him or her. Lift this person up by name to Jesus and ask his blessing on them. 4. Hold a crucifix in your hands. Close your eyes and think of Jesus in agony. Join your sufferings to his in his act of redemption. 5. If you're feeling low, go to a quiet place and hold your Bible. Read Psalm 130 or focus on a phrase of it. Embrace how you feel, even if it's uncomfortable. Know that God loves you through these moments of darkness. 6. When you are unable to focus because your mind is racing, try to remember and pray the words, "My God, I love you." Open yourself to God's love. 7. Turn on soft music. Read this Bible verse over and over while thinking about it: "My God, my God, why have you forgotten me?" (cf. Mk 15:34). This is Jesus' own prayer of emptiness and abandonment. 8. When you pass by your local church, stop in for a few minutes. Pause and connect with the One who loves you. 9. If you can't get up, lie still and repeat the name of Jesus over, and over, and over. His love catches these words and he embraces you with love. 10. Go to Eucharistic adoration and spend some time in God's presence. Forgiveness. It is a difficult concept to wrap your brain around. So I tried to approach it from a different angle. Forgiveness while being an action is also a grace. A grace that we can offer others because we are commanded too and we have all been granted that grace through Him. “I want mercy for myself (God please forgive me), but I want justice for others (they must be punished for what they did).” Or perhaps we will say (or think), “I can’t forgive that person until he says he’s sorry.” This is not the Gospel. Jesus’ disposition was to forgive all those who betrayed him, rejected him, and beat him. “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” In fact, un-forgiveness is contrary to the message of the Gospel. “Judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who is not merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment” (James 2:13). The catch, if you will, with forgiveness is that we are only forgiven to the extent for which we forgive others. That is a tall order for most humans these days. I see angry people all around me. Angry about things that honestly seem trivial to me, and no I am not trying to trivialize someones trials However, I do think that as a whole our perspective or our pecking order of importance is largely skewed. And it is super difficult to take time out of your day and pray for those that "wrong us". And why? Because Jesus said so! Unconditional love is forgiveness and the only way to receive grace from Him. So while you are awaiting your prayers to be answered, start each day with forgiveness and grant it in your heart to others so that you will in turn receive His blessings. If we are unwilling to let go of our anger toward another or ourselves, it becomes our block to God's love; thus we do not witness prayers answered. |
Dr. LoriCatholic, wife, mother...I try everyday to glorify Him in all I do. Archives
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